Imaginary Boyfriend: Jon Stewart

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thedailyshow_jonstewart_1200_article_story_largeJon is my imaginary boyfriend this week for always saying what I think yet struggle to express. I hold him in the highest regards as someone I find intelligent yet able to find humor in most situations. He knows exactly when the situation calls for a joke or a stand on your chair shout.

This week, after the horrific news of the Charleston shooting came out, I think I finally reached my point of exhaustion. To be honest, I feel disheartened. I have this constant lump in my throat. Every day I hear news of humans failing humanity through acts of hate. I don’t know if I want to scream or cry or lock myself in my room and never come out. I love this planet and the people in it but I’m so sad that we can’t figure this peace thing out. It seems so simple to just treat people respectfully and look at them through the eyes you would use for yourself or a loved one but it must not be that simple because so many people are struggling with it.

How can humans be both beautiful and infuriating? Why can’t we stop choosing sides and understand that we’re ALL to blame for the state of things. No one religion or race caused our troubles.The hate just seems to be multiplying. We’re creating new generations of soldiers destined to kill for whatever cause they’ve been taught to believe in.

Closing Arguments: Seeing someone with a large platform point out the craziness of the world in a rational way helps. Jon does that for me.


Boudica: The Warrior Queen

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Inspiration of the week: Boudica (also spelled Boadicea or Boudicca)

Prasutagus was the head of the Iceni tribe in East England. When he died in 60 CE, he left half his kingdom to the Romans to settle a debt but when the Romans arrived to collect, instead of settling for half the kingdom, they took control of it. To add insult to injury, the Romans beat Prasutagus’ widow, Boudica, publicly and then raped their two daughters. They also took control of most of the wealth of the tribe and sold many of the royal family into slavery.

It was then that Boudica met with the leaders of the Iceni and they began planning their revolt against the Romans. Led by Boudica, about 100,000 British attacked the Roman center and burned it to the ground. They then burned Londinium and massacred the 25,000 inhabitants who had not fled.

Unfortunately, famine soon struck the army, weakening them. Boudicca’s army exhausted and hungry were defeated when the Roman troops of 1,200 defeated their army of 100,000.

What happened to Boudica is uncertain. Boudica is my inspiration because after suffering humiliation at the hands of the Romans, she didn’t cower away. She rose to become a badass leader. She might not have won the war, but her strength was admirable.

Fictional Food: Tesserae Bread from District 12

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Description: District 12 was one of the poorest districts in Panem. Because of this, the residents most likely used very basic ingredients when it came to cooking and baking. In the seam, where resources were spare, if people could afford to make bread it would most likely be very dense and flat.


2 cups of barley or wheat flour (Tesserae grain is described as a darker grain in the book)

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup of warm water

2 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp milk (cow milk is fine but for authenticity you could use goat milk)


1.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees F

2.) Lightly oil a baking sheet and set aside

3.) Stir the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt) in a bowl.

4.) In a blender, mix the wet ingredients (water, olive oil, milk)

5.) Add the wet ingredients to the flour mixture and mix with a wooden or plastic spoon until it’s doughy.

6.)  On a floured cutting board or table, using a rolling pin or your hands, shape the dough into a flat, round circle about ½-inch thick.

7.) Place it on the baking sheet, lightly cut a cross into the top with a wet knife and put into the oven.

8.) Bake for 15-25 minutes or until golden.

My favorite way of eating it is to spread some of Prim’s goat cheese and basil with a drizzle of honey.

Source: The Unofficial Recipes of The Hunger Games

Fictional Food: Prim’s Basil-Wrapped Goat Cheese

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Description: In the first chapter of The Hunger Games, Katniss and her best friend, Gale, enjoy a meal of fresh bread and basil wrapped goat cheese that Katniss’ sister, Prim, prepared for them. This is a really basic recipe and makes for a great breakfast or snack.


4 ounces of Goat cheese

1 tsp of black pepper

1 tsp of lemon juice

fresh basil leaves

yarn or cooking string

fresh bread


1.) Mix the goat cheese, black pepper, and lemon juice in a bowl. Taste the cheese to see if it’s to your liking. For more kick, add a little more pepper. Divide the cheese in four and shape each into a ball.

2.) Using the yarn or cooking string, cut two 5-6 inch strands. Lay them down like a cross and tie a knot in the middle.

3.) Arrange 4-5 basil leaves in a star or asterisk pattern on a plate. Place a ball of cheese in the center.

4.) Begin wrapping the ball up with the leaves and use the yarn/string to hold it together (As if wrapping a present)

5.) Repeat steps 2, 3, and 4 until all four cheese balls have been wrapped.

6.) Refrigerate the cheese until you’re ready to use. I like to spread the cheese on a piece of bread with pieces of basil and honey drizzled on top.

Imaginary Boyfriend: Dwayne Johnson

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I think my love of Dwayne Johnson can be explained in the following conversation I had with my husband the other day:

Me: (Watching a trailer for San Andreas) I don’t know why, because he’s not my type, but I’m really attracted to him.

My husband: I think it’s his smile.

So there you go. I think this also explains why I love my husband so much.

Closing Argument: Dwayne is this big, strong guy but his smile is like a ball of sunshine. Also, I’m positive he could lift me up with no problem which is a huge turn on for a former chubby girl.

Cleopatra: The Lover & Fighter

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Cairo, Egypt --- Ancient Egyptian relief of Cleopatra VII (69-30 B.C.)  Undated photograph, retouched.    BPA 2 #6378 --- Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

My inspiration of the week: Cleopatra

Cleopatra was born in 69 BC in Alexandria, Egypt. When her father died, he left his kingdom to eighteen year old Cleopatra and her twelve year old brother. Early on, Cleopatra was overthrown in favor of her younger brother by people believing he would be easier to manipulate. Cleopatra fled but soon began building an army from the Arab tribes.

At some point, Julius Caesar arrived in Alexandria and took over the palace. He summoned Cleopatra’s brother who was away. Not wanting to be left out, Cleopatra had herself smuggled in through enemy lines rolled in a carpet and delivered to Caesar. Cleopatra and Caesar became lovers. War broke out that led to many deaths including Cleopatra’s brother, who drowned in the Nile while trying to flee, thereby securing her position as Pharaoh.

During the year 46 BC, Caesar returned to Rome and brought Cleopatra with him. In 44 BC, he was assassinated by his senators and fearing for her life and the life of her child with Caesar, Cleopatra fled Rome to return home to Alexandria.

Cleopatra was invited by Mark Antony to Tarsus in 41 BC. In a very calculated move, she made a grand entrance upon her arrival which bewitched Mark Antony instantly. They soon became lovers. This affair would continue for many years. In 32 to 31 BC, Antony finally divorced his wife, Octavia. This forced the Western part of the world to recognize his relationship with Cleopatra.

In 30 BC, as Octavian’s forces entered Alexandria, the distraught Antony committed suicide by falling on his own sword. Cleopatra followed him in death after Octavian’s forces captured Egypt. She committed suicide so as not to suffer humiliation at his hands. Cleopatra died on August 12, 30 BC at the age of 39. She would be the last Egyptian Pharaoh. After her death, Caesarion, her son with Caesar, was strangled and her other children were raised by Antony’s wife, Octavia.

Cleopatra was a born leader whose charisma, intelligence, and ambition pushed her to become a fairly successful monarch. She was able to remain a passionate woman but also a powerhouse leader.

Thoughts While Trying Pot Brownies for the First Time

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So… I tried pot brownies for the first time recently. I had enough for three different nights and decided to write down my thoughts on each night so I could remember what was going through my mind at the time.

Notes from Experience #1

“Deja Vu while you’re high.

I won’t remember this in the morning. My short term memory isn’t working.

The tv is talking about being high while I’m high. It’s freaking me out.

Heart flutters….world mutters….piercing sky…whistling in my ear.

I’ll remember this.

I panic because I almost forgot.

Every thought and thing seems important. I need to write it down.

My brain feels like there’s no gravity to hold it to Earth. It keeps floating up but my skull is keeping it prisoner like a               ceiling does to a balloon.”

Notes from Experience #2

“My vagina is unraveling…Like a flower blooming…It’s warm.

I would have sex with Daniel Tosh.

Sex was really good tonight. I kept thinking it was a dream and I would never feel the orgasm but then I did.

Numb intensity.

Helium brain has returned.”

Notes from Experience #3

“Why hadn’t I realized before how cute Danny Pudi is?

The words I read won’t enter my brain. I have to read everything 3 times in order to remember.

With alcohol buzz, you slowly get foggier and foggier. Its a straight line leading up to the buzzed feeling.

With pot, everything feels fine and normal, then suddenly it spikes and you realize something weird is going on. Like       suddenly time moves very slowly or you’ll get stuck on a thought but then you’re back to normal again. It goes up and       down like a heartbeat.

My husband says the tip of his eyelids are on fire. They feel hot.

He says he gets cold when he blinks.

I find that funny.”

Closing thoughts: What have I learned about myself from this experiment? The first night I was so paranoid about forgetting anything that I couldn’t focus on anything else. The second night something apparently was happening in my lady parts. And the third night was all about debating pot versus alcohol. I know I’d never be able to function properly if this was a normal habit for me. My thoughts seem so important in that state and they obviously weren’t. Also, I have questionable taste in men when I’m high so that would lead to all sorts of trouble. I DID sleep like a baby on those nights though.

It was an interesting experience.