loneliness

Tuning Into Life

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On my search for a way to broaden my horizons and find interesting new things to be a part of, I had the lovely idea of checking out Craigslist. I figured maybe I would find a kindred spirit or like minded individuals who might be in need of a volunteer for a good cause or maybe just needed assistance in a personal matter like help cleaning out a garage for an older person or something.

Instead I found this:

1.) Sex. A LOT of people want sex. Apparently, they’re super comfortable in asking strangers if they could lick a variety of their body parts.  Also, there seems to be a VERY high demand for big, black women. So much so that as I scrolled down and read tons of these requests, I started to feel a little insecure about being a little white woman. I then reminded myself that I don’t actually want to have sex with strangers so the feeling subsided.

2.) There are so many businesses posting on this site that I felt a little overwhelmed. Which ones are legit? Do I have the patience or time to message each one to see if their volunteer work is up my alley? I’m just so busy. I have a blog to update, after all.

3.) Loneliness was a recurring theme in some posts. One person was just asking for someone to hang out with. Maybe do some gardening together or go to Art museums. This really bummed me out because I can’t imagine not having a single person who I could do things with. Sure, this guy’s post might be hiding a more sinister request. He might really be looking for sex and using “gardening” as a cover but if not, then that means he got so lonely he’s now asking strangers to be his friend.

4.) The main thing I realized on my Craigslist search is that I’m a cynic. I questioned every single post I read. I even questioned a post that stated the person needed assistance in commiting suicide. I went back and forth on whether I even believed them or whether they were just trolls looking to see who would take the bait. I decided I didn’t believe them.

I live life as if I’m watching everything happen on tv. I don’t feel like a participant. I feel like the audience. That’s not how people are supposed to feel. If I thought there was even a small chance that this person was serious about killing themselves, wouldn’t a decent thing to do, at the very least, be to message them something encouraging? But then I thought about how much I hate when people try to encourage me when they think I’m down. Am I supposed to pretend I know that things will get better for them? Is that what you’re supposed to do?  I know how important hope is and maybe just the acknowledgement that you’re not alone in the world or that someone heard your cry could help someone.

After thinking about that, I did go back to reach out to them but the post had been deleted. Now I’ll never know. Maybe it was a prank. If not, then I missed an opportunity to do the decent thing because of my cynicism. Even if my words fell on deaf ears, atleast I would’ve done something instead of just standing by.