So let’s pretend my love of The Hunger Games and Peeta “Fucking” Mellark played no role in making Josh my new imaginary boyfriend. Here are the 3 reasons Josh should be at the top of everyone’s delusional hall pass list:
1.) He’s a success story. Josh has been acting since he was a little kid and is still at it. That shows not only dedication but perseverance. Also, he managed to grow up in the spotlight without succumbing to it’s pressures. There’s something to be said about a man with staying power.
2.) He’s a sensitive guy. Josh is one of those sweet boy next door types who make the ultimate partners in life. If you want a bad boy, help yourself. I’d much rather go home to a kind and understanding person who treats me like I’m a special snowflake and respects me as a person. Doesn’t Josh just seem like the type who will ask you how your day was while he cooks you dinner because he got home from work first and, fuck stereotypes, gosh darn it, you guys are in this relationship thing together?! He also definitely looks like the kind of dude who makes eye contact during sex and would totally be into going down on you….. I might be projecting a little.
3.) He’s a free spirit who speaks up for his beliefs. Josh has always been a vocal advocate for the LGBT community. When asked whether he was gay his response was, “Maybe I could say right now I’m 100% straight. But who knows? In a fucking year, I could meet a guy and be like, Whoa, I’m attracted to this person.” He also added, “I’ve never been, like, Oh, I want to kiss that guy. I really love women. But I think defining yourself as 100% anything is kind of near-sighted and close-minded.” I find it so refreshing and enlightened of him to not be held back by society’s restrictions on sexuality. It somehow makes me want him harder.
CLOSING ARGUMENT: Josh is a beautiful soul with sad puppy dog eyes. What’s not to like here? When given the choice, always go with the good guy.
My Inspiration of the week: Hatshepsut
Hatshepsut was the fifth pharaoh of the Eighteenth Dynasty of Ancient Egypt and she ruled longer than any other woman in Egyptian history. When her half-brother/husband, Thutmose II, died, Hatshepsut began acting as regent, handling affairs until her stepson, Thutmose III, came of age. However, Hatshepsut seized the throne for herself and did not relinquish it to Thutmose III even after he came of age. She insisted on being referred to as the king, and had her daughter, Neferure, given the title of God’s Wife and portrayed in art as her queen.
Hatshepsut legitimized her reign by adopting a male persona. She was depicted in male dress, having a false beard and wearing the various crowns of Egypt not because she wanted to trick anyone but to assert her authority. Once Hatshepsut became generally accepted as King, she returned to wearing female clothing.
She was known as being a successful ruler and one of the most prolific ancient Egyptian builders. Hatshepsut continued to rule until her death in 1458 BC. After her death, Thutmose III tried to erase her from history by destroying monuments and statues with her name on them. Luckily, not everything was destroyed and some records have been found of her reign.
Reading about Hatshepsut inspires me to be more ambitious. Just because the rule book says you can’t do something, doesn’t mean you have to listen. Some people might view Hatshepsut’s actions as a power hungry move but why can’t a woman want power that men have been working for and expecting since the beginning of time? Maybe as someone who was ruling for years, she knew she would be a better ruler than her stepson who had the right gender but no experience. I say more power to her!
If you know what you want and that you are good at it, you don’t give that thing up because you’re told to do so.
On my search for a way to broaden my horizons and find interesting new things to be a part of, I had the lovely idea of checking out Craigslist. I figured maybe I would find a kindred spirit or like minded individuals who might be in need of a volunteer for a good cause or maybe just needed assistance in a personal matter like help cleaning out a garage for an older person or something.
Instead I found this:
1.) Sex. A LOT of people want sex. Apparently, they’re super comfortable in asking strangers if they could lick a variety of their body parts. Also, there seems to be a VERY high demand for big, black women. So much so that as I scrolled down and read tons of these requests, I started to feel a little insecure about being a little white woman. I then reminded myself that I don’t actually want to have sex with strangers so the feeling subsided.
2.) There are so many businesses posting on this site that I felt a little overwhelmed. Which ones are legit? Do I have the patience or time to message each one to see if their volunteer work is up my alley? I’m just so busy. I have a blog to update, after all.
3.) Loneliness was a recurring theme in some posts. One person was just asking for someone to hang out with. Maybe do some gardening together or go to Art museums. This really bummed me out because I can’t imagine not having a single person who I could do things with. Sure, this guy’s post might be hiding a more sinister request. He might really be looking for sex and using “gardening” as a cover but if not, then that means he got so lonely he’s now asking strangers to be his friend.
4.) The main thing I realized on my Craigslist search is that I’m a cynic. I questioned every single post I read. I even questioned a post that stated the person needed assistance in commiting suicide. I went back and forth on whether I even believed them or whether they were just trolls looking to see who would take the bait. I decided I didn’t believe them.
I live life as if I’m watching everything happen on tv. I don’t feel like a participant. I feel like the audience. That’s not how people are supposed to feel. If I thought there was even a small chance that this person was serious about killing themselves, wouldn’t a decent thing to do, at the very least, be to message them something encouraging? But then I thought about how much I hate when people try to encourage me when they think I’m down. Am I supposed to pretend I know that things will get better for them? Is that what you’re supposed to do? I know how important hope is and maybe just the acknowledgement that you’re not alone in the world or that someone heard your cry could help someone.
After thinking about that, I did go back to reach out to them but the post had been deleted. Now I’ll never know. Maybe it was a prank. If not, then I missed an opportunity to do the decent thing because of my cynicism. Even if my words fell on deaf ears, atleast I would’ve done something instead of just standing by.
I’m a positive person by nature. I truly believe there is more good in the world than evil and yet I find myself constantly angry with the state of things. Initially I believed I would outgrow these feelings. I thought it was just a normal cocktail of teen hormones causing my feelings of unfairness all around me. I thought, surely, when I’m in my twenties, life will make sense.
I’m in my thirties now. Life still makes no sense and I’m even angrier than before.
I’m frustrated that we as a species have learned nothing in the years we’ve been on this earth. We repeat the same idiotic mistakes over and over again. We don’t know how to live peacefully amongst each other and we have no respect for the planet we live on.
The overly religious have decided this life isn’t as important as the next so they stand on their pedestals pointing their fingers at everyone else and screaming at the top of their lungs about what failures we all are and how their God will punish the wicked and reward the faithful. They repeat it over and over and they stamp the words love and obedience on it so they can justify the ugliness of what they really are.
Since birth, females are told the way they look is their most important asset. We’re told we need to nurture men and be good mothers one day. Our bodies need to be the right shape. Our hair needs to be shiny. We’re told men want a natural beauty but they don’t like blemishes so you must perfect the art of applying makeup without making it look like you have any on. We’re told men want curves but what they really mean is big breasts and a round butt, not a muffin top. We must be our very best and validation is everything.
Boys are taught they must never show emotions. They aren’t real men if they care too much or, God forbid, cry. They need to be the best at everything they do. They need to have sex with as many women as possible. They need to make a lot of money. They need to have the best things. If they don’t, they’re failures.
The ice caps are melting, the bees are disappearing, little girls are being trafficked, young men and women are dying at each other’s hands but no one cares because Kim Kardashian is naked again and we need to decide if we adore her or hate her.
I’m so angry.
Mostly, I’m angry at my own impotence. My insides are blazing but I have no idea how to begin to make a difference and I have serious doubts that I could anyway. I’m angry that I’m a mediocre human. That the only adventures or heroic moments I’ll experience are through books or movies. So I fill my days with work and food and family and planning out my next vacation or weekend events as a distraction and I tell myself things could be worse. Because they could, right?
I have a good life by most definitions and yet that restless feeling nags at me. I’m tired of living a wasteful life. I’m tired of having no purpose and would give anything to finally have, at the very least, a direction to walk in. I’m willing to volunteer but struggling to find a place to do so. I’m willing to try new things but don’t know what. I’m willing to travel as long as it’s financially possible. I need to try something new.
So, because I’ve been so useless at figuring this out on my own, I’ve decided to open myself up to opportunities that others might bring into my life. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas or invitations, feel free to mention it in the comments section. I’d be more than happy to try it and then blog about it. Let me know what you think is important to focus on or if you have any recommendations on where to start. All comments will be seriously considered and, if possible, done. Even silly suggestions will be considered.